Parenting with Gentleness

For those of you who do not know, I am a mom of four children. When I describe parenting to new parents, I often say, "Being a parent is one of the best and hardest things you will ever do." Parenting is challenging. If we are honest with ourselves, parenting frequently exposes our flaws, our disordered loves, and our need for Jesus. It's easy to react rather than respond with gentleness when you are tired from the physical, emotional, and mental demands of parenting, but It's not impossible. If God calls us to do something, He will equip us. 2 Peter 1:3, declares: "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his glory and excellence."

Today, I'd like to share what I have been studying about God's gentleness and how we can and should reflect His gentleness in the way we parent.

Jesus didn't use very many words to describe Himself to the people he taught and lived among here on earth yet in Matthew 11:28-30 He allows us to peer into the very center of His being: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Gentle is the Greek word praus which means mild, and not easily provoked, severe, or harsh.

Doesn't it make sense that Jesus would be gentle? He knows how fragile and broken we are. He is aware of how desperately lost we are without Him. That is why He came to seek and save the lost. He willingly sacrificed Himself for our sins, so we could be reconnected with our heavenly Father. He knew we couldn't find Him on our own, He knew we couldn't save ourselves, and He knew how much we needed our Heavenly Father to show us how to parent.

Let's take a look at gentleness in the scriptures and glean principles that we can apply to parenting.

Psalm 18:31-35

"For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength

and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.

He trains my hands for war so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great."

The psalmist declared here that God's gentleness made him great. Specifically, what did God gently do?

In these verses, there are a couple of things only God can do. First, He made David's way blameless. Only through faith in Jesus are we made blameless or righteous before God. Second, He gave David the protection of His salvation. Again, only through faith in Jesus, are we saved; His sacrifice covers and protects us.

We also read that God equipped David with strength, trained his hands for war, and supported him.

Principles/Characteristics

Gentleness points people to the things only God can do.

Gentleness trains people how to use tools that are necessary for the battle-like circumstances life inevitably presents us with.

Gentleness supports people through comfort and aid.

Isaiah 40:11

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom,

and gently lead those who are with young."

God compares Himself to a shepherd, who gathers the young and vulnerable and carries them close to his heart. And what about the momma sheep, who are providing milk for their lambs? The words gently lead in this verse is the Hebrew word nahal which means to refresh and to guide to a resting place with water. The Shepherd refreshes the momma sheep by providing what they need.

This scripture is both displaying what gentleness does and Who our source of gentleness is. Parents who desire to display God's gentleness will increasingly recognize their need for and desire the rest and refreshment Jesus, the Shepherd of their souls, provides. The best way to nourish our children is to be nourished by our heavenly Father.

Principles/Characteristics

Gentleness comes from being connected to Jesus and receiving what we need from Him.

Gentleness refreshes.

Gentleness helps carry the burdens of the vulnerable and young.

Ephesians 4:1-2

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,"

We learn from this verse that gentleness keeps company with humility, patience, and love. Gentleness is willing to forbear, endure, and even suffer at times out of love for people who don't act lovable or even likable. Is anyone out there willing to admit that their children aren't very loveable at times? How about admitting we aren't very loveable at times also?

Principles/Characteristics

Gentleness comes with humility, patience, and love.

Gentleness forbears, endures, and suffers out of love for unloveable people.

Many other scriptures instruct us about gentleness, but I'll only share one more.

Proverbs 15:4

"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

The word gentle is the Hebrew word marpe which means healing, curative, and a remedy.

The word perverseness is the Hebrew word selep which means visciousness, crookedness, and distortion.

Notice the difference in effects. The healing tongue is like a tree of life, but the vicious, crooked tongue breaks the spirit. As I stated earlier, when we are physically, emotionally, and mentally drained or stressed, it can be easy to react to our kids in a way that reflects our brokenness; a way that is crooked and may come across as vicious.

One of my favorite lines from The Goblet of Fire is when Dumbledore tells Harry: "There will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right." Often doing what is right is hard, but it isn't impossible because with God all things He calls us to do are possible. Amazingly, God's gracious gentleness equips us to respond with gentleness.

Let's look closer at the picture this verse paints. A gentle tongue is a tree of life.

What do trees provide?

~Shade

~Protection

~Water

~Food

~A place to climb for a better view

~Oxygen

Are you seeing the beauty and depth in this verse?

Principle/Characteristic

Gentle words provide relief, protection, refreshment, nourishment, new perspective, and in some cases, life-saving encouragement; the encouragement a person needs to take another breath and keep going.

Today I want to encourage us with this. It is possible to be parents who embody these principles and characteristics of gentleness. How? By learning from Jesus, who at the very center of His being, is gentle and humble. As we look to Him to equip, train, and support us, He will teach us how to do that for our children. When we follow his loving lead and accept the nourishment He provides, we will have what we need to nourish our children and help carry their burdens. Through consistent surrender to the Holy Spirit, patience, humility, and forbearance will grow in our lives. We will learn to love as Jesus did.

We will grow in gentleness.

Sincerely,

Amy